DEAD BEAT MOM

Grandma mom is really tired. She lies down as much as possible. She has bursts of energy, but they don't last long. If she knows she has to take the kids to the doctor next month, she'll need extra rest between now and then. She remembers to preserve her strength in case something worth fighting for arises so she doesn't care what you wear, watch, play, eat, waste, ruin, break, destroy or write on.

She's found clever ways to make her life easier. Instead of fighting to get the kids in bed, she turns on golf and bores them to sleep, sits down while brushing her teeth and serves pop tarts for breakfast, but only the flavors that taste good untoasted because waiting for them to pop up wears her out. That's why no one ever gets toast or waffles at her house.  You heard of breakfast in bed?  She serves it from bed.

She hands out house keys to everyone who visits so she doesn't have to get up to answer the door. Cartoon Network and Nick Jr. are on speed dial on her remote. She shops at My Menu cause there's only 1 aisle and everything can be cooked in the microwave. She relies heavily on computer and video games as babysitters.

She has ideals reminiscent of her younger days, but her backbone is degenerating. She gives into any tantrum cause she can't stand the noise and is just too exhausted to stand up for what younger mom would. She's usually too tired to stand up at all.

She may threaten, but never follows through. All you have to do is make the first sound of a tantrum and you'll get your way unless, of course, your whimper coincides with one of her energy bursts. In that case you'll be surprised. Grandma mom has been known to hold her ground for up to 30 minutes provided she has something to hold her up like a wall or rail.

The older kids love her cause she can't ever find her glasses so she can't read their report card or parental advisories on their Cd's. Her hearing is going too so they can listen to all the rap songs they want. She has a lot of guilt so she compensates by buying gifts for the kids, if they can be ordered online. She has a playful side, but only if the game can be played from bed. She hates the words, "Mom watch this," because she knows it involves keeping her eyes open and probably turning her head. She also hates when the kids say, "I gave it to you," because she doesn't ever remember where or what it is.

She's so fatigued she's been known to make 4 different dinners just so she doesn't have to listen to anyone complain. Complaining makes her more tired and crying drains her for weeks. Her goal each day is to get back in bed. From the moment she awakes she prepares for it. Although she loves bed, making it takes too much energy as does sitting, talking, walking, movement and listening. She avoids all that as much as possible. She's too tired to get dressed so all her clothes double as pajamas. The question most often heard in her house is "Has anyone seen my"...fill in the blank with, "purse, wallet, glasses, remote, phone, keys, mind?" Her favorite television program is the dark brown show (the one you watch with your eyes closed).  There's a reason God wanted us to raise kids for about 20-25 years and then be done. Grandma mom.

(c) donna maysack 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013
google images