Ahoy mateys! The, "MayIpleasepayyoutotreatmelikeshit" ship, has set sail, trolling for slander, insults and ways to guilt me into givin money. I got a bigger net to snag some humiliation and degradation during voyage. Don't have to shove off too far. I can practically stay ashore and still reel in deadly catches. But why waste the open sea when they're are so very many fish?
Let's start with my son-in-law. Lucky catch, he works at my kids' school so I get to see his pure hatred close-hauled. Don't have a clue what I did to him beside any and everything to help, but he despises me so much, I'm not even castin a rod his direction. From the looks of his beady glare, that pirate would have me crawlin the plank with anchors round both ankles. ARRRRR ya really gonna keep my grand babies away for the rest of my life?
Wading thru to Illz, my 28 year old toddler who I kinda wish didn't have so many words. He's been lying about me to gain sympathy, housing, money, sex, whatever, his entire life. I'm so sick of defending, I've decided to baton down the fucking hatches. I AM a child neglecting, crack headed, psychotic, drug addicted, drunken whore of a captain. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, I continually invite him aboard for dinner, only to callously cancel, then ignore his texts and calls. Now we all know that must be bullshit. Me? Cook?
Mya, who I raised to be a responsible, loving, caring and honest crew member, tells tales so tall she'd make a sailor blush. Should I bother refuting I stole her Christmas money from some benefactor who never existed? Hell no. I captured the fuckin booty. Shiver me and please stick a tall, tall timber up my ass.
Jonnny was at the helm when we shipwrecked into an ice burg of drugs and lies, we almost sunk. All hands on neck!!! I got kids who borrow money then ignore me, sit behind the defendants table for friends who insult me, ex husbands who'd make tasty bait and I'm not even near the bottom of the deep shoot me.
Row row row the boat gently down my stream of conciseness. In these dangerous waters you're never sure who's lurking beneath. I'm so fucking seasick with all the rocking if I don't throw somebody overboard, I'm gonna capsize. There's a reason the captain always goes down with the ship. All I got to keep me afloat are rif-raffts.