IF YOU CAN'T BEAT EM, SPANK EM

BlogHer's Modernmamaz writes, "I Don't like Spanking My Kids, But I Do It Anyway." In honor of her amazing parenting skills, I'm gonna write a whole post and not say say fuck. This isn't gonna be easy, it's right on the tip of my finger....

She begins, "In recent weeks, my kids' behavior has been noticeably getting worse.  I'm sure it's a combination of things: me going back to work, my husband having been gone for so long now, and the newness of having a nanny full time (who I'm sure doesn't stay on top of them the way that I do)."

I commented,"So you don't like it, which usually means you don't want it, yet you do it and your children's behavior is getting worse.  Sounds like effective parenting to me.  And by the way, if the nanny stayed on top of them the way you do, she'd get arrested."

She replied, "This is what I call "selective listening."  My children's behavior is getting worse because we have been undergoing a number of changes at home.  Up until the last couple of weeks, when those changes started occurring,  my children's behavior was normal."

Ooh she scolded me!  I'll bet she calls her kids that too, right before she spanks em.   I responded, "I selected what you wrote and repeated it.  Just so I'm clear, are you saying you didn't spank prior to the changes?"

She quipped,"You repeated what I said..editing and deleting pertinent information to make the information as dramatic as possible.  You should be a TV producer. "  Then put a smiley face. No flippin shit. A flapping smiley face. I don't do smiley faces, but kids say the darndest things, don't they?

"To clarify," she continued, "I did spank my children prior to the changes.  Spanking has worked for them. The recent changes have triggered behavioral issues that I haven't seen before.  The increase in problems with "minding" is not a result of spanking, rather a result in the changes at  home.  In addition...I do not see myself regretting the choice I have made for my children down the road. I am thankful to my parents for opting to spank me."  Seriously I am too, cuz I can see why someone might wanna kick her ass. 

Of course she doesn't think she'll regret it.  If we knew which choices we were gonna regret, we'd make different ones.  I didn't promise not to say dumb ass, did I?  I don't care how she thinks she'll feel.   What about her kids?  Maybe they'll thank her every Mothers Day with roses or equate love with physical pain.  Who knows?  I didn't.  

I was a just confused TV producer wondering why's their behavior was deteriorating if spanking's so effective and since she doesn't like it, why she's doing  it?  I think you should be comfortable with your discipline choices. If you don't like physically hurting your child, maybe you shouldn't. 

I also don't know the difference between a spank, slap, smack and hit.  You slap a face, smack an arm and spank a butt, but they're all the same act.  The verb changes because of the noun. I can't spank your face, but if I slap your ass, that's a spank.  WTF?

I've been a mom over 3 decades, 25 years ago I thought spanking was discipline.  Then I realized I wanted respect, not fear.  Obedience from spanking lasts as long as from a timeout and rewards last even longer.  How can it be better to hurt a child than use the opportunity to build self-esteem?  If you rely on spanking, how do you discipline your teen? Told ya I was confused.

Lotsa people on BlogHer said they used to get spanked, but ya know, there's a whole buncha shit parents used to do...kids swam without sunscreen, rode bikes without helmets, rode in cars without car seats, took baby aspirin, and were bullied..then we found better ways.   

Modernmamaz says spankings are, "...always a last resort. My children are always given multiple chances to correct the issue before it comes to this." She works full-time and has a full-time nanny, in the few hours she spends with em, how can she become so frustrated "it comes to this?"  I put my listening ears on and still didn't understand.

Her original title is,"Discipline Is Obsolete." She writes, "We are raising a generation of children who are over-sensitive because they eventually find out they aren't as good at baseball or ballet as some other kid and their parents promised them that everyone is equal. they feel entitled because we teach them that they should.  They throw tantrums when life doesn't go their way because their parents have tiptoed around to make sure that it does."  That's her rationale for hitting her kids.

In, "The Guilt Stricken Mother, Parenting A Child With ADHD," she said, "My oldest son suffers with this disorder to the extent that he often has trouble controlling his own body movements. Simply walking from one room to another without falling or getting sidetracked proves to be an almost impossible task..."  He has trouble walking and she hits him?  That should help with his body movements.  After reading that, I finally understood.  All along I'd been thinkin she must have valid reasoning, but it looks like she may, in fact, just be a breeding, writing idiot.  :)

(c) copyright donna maysack 2012, 2013
google image