The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) lists currently recognized mental health disorders. I applied them to my life:
Adjustment Disorder: Getting used to not to punching people in the face. Acute Stress Disorder: When the jeans that fit as tho tailored for your butt cost $380.
Adult Antisocial Behavior: Me Adverse Effects Of Medication: When you accidentally take your sleeping pills at work or are pulled over doing 85 in a 30. Age-Related Cognitive Decline: When you can't find your glasses, purse, keys, remote, house or car. Claustrophobia Without History Of Panic Disorder: Sleeping with 3 kids in a king-sized bed. Alcohol-Related Disorder: Sounds tempting. Antisocial Personality Disorder: When you want to punch people in the face. Avoidant Personality Disorder: Buying without checking the price. Binge Eating Disorder: This is a disorder? Uh-oh. Borderline Intellectual Functioning: I don't know what this is, but am pretty sure my 2nd ex suffers from it. Brief psychotic disorder: When you're insane only half the day. Cannabis-related disorder: My 1st ex has this. Catatonic Disorder: See Claustrophobia Without History Of Panic. Clinical Depression: Life without a Mac. Communication Disorder: See Clinical Depression. Delusional Disorder: Wanting to be like Mrs. Duggar Dementia: Thinking your kids will want to. Dependent Personality Disorder: The inability to watch TV without a remote. Depression:Wisconsin. Disruptive Behavior Disorder: Dinner at our house. Dissociative Amnesia: I don't have this, but think I want it.. Dissociative Identity Disorder: Forgetting I wish I were Angelina Jolie. Expressive Language Disorder: FUCK!!!!! Feeding Disorder Of Infancy Or Early Childhood: When it takes 3 hours for them to finish dinner. Female Sexual Arousal Disorder: Caused by hating your husband. Fetishism: A tale, mom and Mac. General Adaptation Syndrome: When your son takes up the drums. Hallucinogen-Related Disorder: Haven't experienced this since I was a teen. Hygenic Disorder: Showering less than once a week. Impulse Control Disorder: When Adjustment Disorder fails. Intermittent Explosive Disorder: See above. Kleptomania: A tail, dog and flip-flop. Major depressive episode: Waiting for iPhone 5. Mathematics disorder: Having to check the 2nd grade math answer book. Medication-Related Disorder: Not having enough drugs or high enough dosages. Motor Skills Disorder: Not being able to resist punching people in the face. Nightmare Disorder: Loose rodents. Occupational Problem: I'm sick of workin. OMFGD: Catching your 5 year old chewing on your Coach bag strap (I made this one up). Oppositional Defiant Disorder:My dog. Parent-Child Relational Problem: Keeping them from wrestling in church. Partner Relational Problem: Not anymore. Personality Change Due To Medication Disorder: I'm hoping. Personality Disorder: What's your point? Phase Of Life Problem: When your son's in jail. Phonological Disorder: Can't find my cell and it makes no sense. Polysubstance-Related Disorder: Allergy to polyester? Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder: I married him??!! Separation Anxiety Disorder: When the chocolates gone. Sexual Desire Disorder: See above in "F" Shared Psychotic Disorder: When your friends are crazy too. Sibling Relational Problem: We have a few. Social Phobia: Refusing to stand in line. Specific Phobia: Filling out forms. Tourette’s Disorder: Having no control over what you say to other Wal-Mart customers. Voyeurism: Window shopping at the Apple store.