Why yes, I am, but so is my shrink. I started seeing him, when, ya know, I went into that little coma thing a couple years back and quickly realized he doesn't pay attention to anything I say. I love it. This isn't Crazy Mama delusion. It's for real. So I fuck with him, It's really fun.
The last time I didn't say word. I just nodded and/or shook my head. He has a form that rates how close you are to killing yourself, 3's bad, 0's good. So I fill it out opposite each time. "Did you even read it," he asked. I shook my head no. "You just come in for pills, don't you?" I nodded and broke my silence, "Can I leave now?"
"Yes. Just make an appointment for 6 weeks."
"How bout 6 months?"
"Ok."
He's the most incredible doctor I've ever had. I told him I took more pills than I was supposed to and he said, "Well I guess you'll need a refill." All I have to say is, "I read about (fill in the drug) and want some," and he prescribes it. Sometimes I wish he'd listen a little closer tho, cuz when I asked for Viagra, I experienced a rare erection lasting 4 or more hours and had to seek immediate medical attention. WTF? I know there's a lotta jokes about this, but my clit still hurts.
Today I told him I have a few followers on my blog. "Followers?," he perked up, he thought I was starting a cult.
I'm not kidding. So I told him I was and am gonna start riding around with Butman. He asked who he was. When I explained, he lifted his glasses and raised an eyebrow, "Well....," for a second I thought he was concerned, "just get your blood levels tested and take this"
"I can't take that on the moped."
"Sure you can, it's shrink wrapped."
"No, I mean, I don't take candy from strangers than me."
(c) copyright donna maysack 2012
images are googles
18 comments:
I wish my therapist didn't listen SO well, but I do sometimes make it seem like I am talking Charlie Brown teachers talk just to see if I could get away with it...nope...not likely I was told to attend an extra session for that little stunt I wanted to call her a name that rhymed but I don't want any trouble really I just want the demons of sadness to leave the space they rent in my head!!
Janice, I don't see a therapist. He's a shrink. I don't want to talk to anyone. Tried that for years. Not gonna talk my way outta this. So now I take make-me-not-want-to-punch-people-in-the-face-or-kill-myself-pills. I still want to, but haven't broken any noses for a long time. Cause, "Who does depression hurt?" Anyone who doesn't duck. Someone with a heart as beautiful as yours shouldn't be sad.
Donna, just sent an email to you but it came back as un-deliverable. Send me one at roecordi@yahoo and I will reply from there..
I have been thinking about going back to a shrink, just because I don't know how much longer I can fight off the anxiety/anger/sadness on my own, but the last time I went down that route was a fucking disaster, so I'm a little apprehensive. As far as "talk" therapy, screw that!!
Love your sense of humor! New to your blog. Thanks for checking out mine :)
Roe, I'll email you.
Ellen, Thank you for stopping by. I love yours as well.
Wow.. Sounds like a couple of the oncologists I've had.
By the way you did work on the linky thingy on my page. Now all you have to do is play along on yours! ;)
Yeh, Mimi, I think they're just too busy. Mine's inattention is fun tho, yours not so much. Thanks for lettin me play.
This has to be the best comment I've read today, Crazy Mama: "Cause, "Who does depression hurt?" Anyone who doesn't duck." Both clever and true.
Great post!! I see a counselor and she listens..a lot..sometimes way to well LOL
Thanks Elsie I appreciate your comment.
WOW this sounds like my doc- the one who raves on Pre-natal vitamins and swears by them- the ailment could be headache and he'll say, "Are you taking your pre-natals? t:/
Ha GG Maybe they went to the same med school. Least he isn't giving you Viagra.
Have you told him about the diet yet??? I'd like to hear his rx for that one. Sounds like he's one asshole you could stand to lose!
Ha Tina, no I didn't tell him. I will in 6 months! I have been giving it a lot of thought tho.
What a shrink, I mean pseudo-shrink and pill-pusher! Followers like in a cult...lol! Hey, is this the Cult of Crazy Mama ‘cause I’m following...lol! Seriously though, he is pathetic, a poor excuse for a shrink. Did he really give you Viagra? What an idiot!
Jersey, Have I told you lately that I love you? But no he didn't really give me Viagra.
I tried therapy for awhile to undo mental damage caused by a**holes...... u know what he told me after about 3 months? He told me to stop coming if I am not going to do what he says.... I thought he was there to listen to ME....I didn't know I was supposed to listen to him. Really?
Wow Robyn, he sounds a little narcissistic.
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