Have you seen, "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant? These ladies are just walkin around and...Surprise! What the fuck? I think the only valid excuse for that is if you also don't know you're a woman. I mean really, if you have a dick, I can see bein caught off guard. Otherwise, they should rename it, "I didn't know I was an idiot." Surprise!
Do you ever get pissed cause someone calls when you're using your phone? How dare you call when I'm online?
Unfortunately just because Joe unfriended satan doesn't mean they still don't jam. satan doesn't rock, but can twist a mean larynx. My ears are still bleeding.
Princess said, "Mom, also known as Party Pooper...." I walked in, so she never finished that sentence.
Just wait til her next birthday.
I'd give up my right to vote if I could stuff ballots up the asses of everyone who tells me how I should.
If you took Avandia and suffered death you may be entitled to compensation. But what are they gonna give you? A pillow? And wouldn't it have to relate to your affiliation? For a non-believer: A ticket to heaven? satan worshiper: A get out of hell free card? Christian? A bracelet for the rides? Atheist? Upgraded casket and vanilla scented embalming fluid? I should make Joe take Avandia just to be safe.
I heard chickens want to be legally cooked into domestic partnerships with Lettuce, Bacon, Grease and Tomatoes. They just want the same rights as burgers. I think if you don't like Chic-fil-A you shouldn't eat there and if you don't like gay marriage, have a sandwich and be real sure your fiance isn't gay.
Recently a nameless person texted this to me, "Stop being so damned depressed. Your kids don't need to see that. Grow up!! My best friend was beaten to death by her boyfriend 2 weeks ago, life is hard, but we can't dwell on it." Why the fuck didn't I think of that? I'll just stop it and grow up. Thanks. I needed to be reminded what a piece of shit mom I am. I feel so uplifted, but I gotta say if my best friend were beaten to death 2 weeks ago, I'd be dwellin.
Speaking of uplifting, do you ever think you're holdin it up but when you stand, realize part of your dress was in the toilet? I do it everyday. I could be on, "I didn't know I was peeing myself." Guess I need to stop it and grow up.
Mom, AKA, Party Pee-er