When I'm really fucking angry, I get quiet. I know you're used to me rantin, ravin, swearin and hurlin objects, but when I'm this pissed, words can't even come out because they're the ugliest words, thoughts and wanna-be deeds, you can't even imagine my depravity. Well, maybe Lily, Shea and Mimi, but I really don't think you JerseyLil, even if you're a little wild for Clooney.
I'm trying to get to a place where I can once again sit on my porch and inhale my drug of choice without screaming obscenities or fantasizing beheadings and clitorechtomies (not for everyone, just lying sucky ones). I'd remove it with my fucking car and if her hijab got caught in the tire, I guess I'd be draggin a clitless Muslim liar.
The kids would recognize her as the dumb fucking bitch who hit us, but if Officer Retard wanted to show her his badge, she wouldn't even moan, cuz her clit would be mixed with the snow and paint chips she, 'couldn't see.' falling off my car.
Now this isn't about my car, it's old and really old. It's about a bitch who hit us on purpose. She saw us, made eye contact for at least 5 seconds and rammed us. Coincidentally, her fucking friend hit us last week, no fucking shit. And they're our neighbors. This is insurance fraud and possibly a crooked ass cop (same cop, both times). Never have I been able to view cops as my felon until yesterday. So please humor me and sing along to the tune of, "If You're Happy And You Know It,"
If you'll help me drag my neighbor
Hop inside
We'll do 60 in the snow and slip and slide
If you are a fucking liar
You might be under my tire
If you wanna drag my neighbor
Take a ride
If your anger triggers Tourettes
Say, "Fuck you!"
If you want to beat your neighbor black and blue
If the thread you're hangin on
Are prescriptions that you're on
If your hit list is too long
I'll ride with you
If you to take 10 pills a day
So you don't kill
If your life would take a year on Dr. Phil
Lithium is my lifeline
It makes my personality shine
So the only question is
Your car or mine?
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14 comments:
To hell with ranting about all this in the Bloggiverse, Donna...write a fucking book! You'll make a mint! How'd that be for a nice, "Fuck you!" to all your fucktarded neighbors?
I'm reminded of a line from a movie: "I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity."
Wow Kelly Ann, I like that line!
I am so glad my only neighbor is my tenant. LOL Sounds like they are out to get you. Or I am paranoid. Could be both for sure. LOL
Don't say that Jen, I'm already thinking it
What a bunch of fuckers! And they're getting away with it because of a crooked cop and because everybody wants to be so fucking politically correct in the country that God forbid we should call someone out for actually doing something NOT because they were a fucking glorified doo rag on their head! - Ugh. - I sooooooo despise injustice.. If you can't tell. These assholes will get theirs.. They will.
MiMi, This is one of the reasons I love you. Your hatred of injustice. And about a million others. Thank you for all you've brought in to my life.
Just name the day and we will all suit up and...uhhh...take care of business. I don't think anyone would be a match for all of us together.
I wonder what our name should be? Twisted Sisters? Quim? Or do we all have to be British for that?
Although we all fit the description of quim, I think we better not use that as our gang name. Just imagine the tattoos we would have to get if we used quim.
I have to have a fake tattoo. Like a bunny or sponge bob, k?
No, a giant penis with "Evil Sperm Producer" written across it. In Old English text, of course.
As long as i can wash it off
I'm waiting out front. Where ARE you???
Damn Marianne You shoulda honked I was sleepin!
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