One year I gave up sewing and never picked it back up. Now I throw away holy clothes. The kids don't even ask anymore and if they forget, I just bust out laughing. It's not really the sewing as much as threading. I can't see the fucking eye and my hands shake too much. Mommy's medicine keeps her from homicide, but gives her the shakes. It's not so much the urge is gone, but I couldn't hold a gun steady if your life depended on it.
The next year I gave up guilt. That led to my 2nd divorce. This year, after careful thought, I've decided to give up assholes. I'm givin em up for You, God. Since You created em, You can have em all back. Except mine, cause sometimes I use it. What, pray tell, will You do with em all? Make a necklace? Matching ear rings? Do tell.
This isn't as easy as giving up sewing. I've so many assholes every day for so long. I don't know if I should quit cold turkey, or gradually wean?
I considered a 12 step program, but have you seen those steps? WTF? Can't I just take the elevator? I'm on a strict, high nicotine, low exercise diet. I ain't gonna make it up there.
God, if You'd get rid of the assholes I'd have some serenity. I'm not addicted anyway, I'm just an ass magnet. There's a difference. One seeks the hole while the latter wants to kick it.
your ass here.
The mother of a felon need not seek hole, for they are delivered in person, via snail mail, asstext, phone call, voice mail, email, facebook, cop and every other fucking way possible. Assholes seep into your life and cover you like mold. You can scrub it with bleach, but upon release, it grows back.
Even if you paint over, it's there. I wake up to fellow addicts exacting their revenge on my felon. I check my phone and there's 50 texts about the dicks I sucked last night AND I WAS SLEEPING. I really must stop sucking dick in my sleep. You thought my vagina was wild? My mouth's a whore. Sucking anonymous dicks! Yes, that's an, 's'!!!! And I know it wasn't Eminem's because apparently these people are black!! Imagine my horror. You'd think they'd have the common decency to say it to my son, but his aim is better, so they text me instead.
Now, and this isn't something I do well, I lied and told all the assholes I lost my phone. But I'm a really, really bad liar. Can ya tell? I can't even put on a badge that says I don't judge. I don't just judge. I'm the jury. I ruled! You're guilty, asshole!!!! See, I don't talk behind your back or stab you. I say it right to your face while I poke you in the eye. I'm so sharp you don't even know who's eye it is. Yet I still need to dispose of some holes.
The mother of 7, mother of a felon, mother of an addict, mother of all things crazy has improved the ghetto, slow down when you roll up.
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| You can't even see em in there. @copyright donna maysack 2013 google images |
12 comments:
Assholes are an awesome thing to give up for Lent, (and just in general.) I give them up every day with two little words, "fuck off." They come back, I say it again, and again, and again. And then one day you see their name in a headline with the words "mysterious disappearance.." Don't ask me about it, I told 'em to fuck off. ;)
Well MiMi, there's some space under the speed bump. You know what they say a good friend will help you move, a great friend will help you move a body. I'm a great friend.
It's like when you buy cheap insect repellant to get rid of flies but they never actually kill the bloody things, just make em even more annoying, so then they begin to persists on persisting in their persistence to bug the shit out of you...arseholes are kinda like that...sorry, not making sense. Not enough sleep.
Sorry to hear about the knobheads who like flies, are persistent with their horseshit. Hope Lady Karma is listening.
Assholes have taken over the world, I remember a time in a far off land when people were actually nice. Well, at least I think I remember it, it may just be stories my mother tells and I being on Klonopin and a few other "calm me down" meds think they are my memories now. It's hard to tell with a psychotic.
Flying assholes? Lily, that's what nighmares are made of.
PJ, you're the best kind of psychotic!
Big yes to giving up assholes for Lent! I say drop ‘em cold turkey! Assholes are everywhere like flies on shit. So awful that you keep getting those phone messages. They are cowards for sending that stuff to you, and may karma bite ‘em all in the ass!!
I've got the shuffles n' tarps Mama.. ;)
Damn. I gave up online shopping. Yours is way better. Stupid assholes ruin everything.
Somehow I believe you MiMi.
Thank you Jersey. The worst are the threats. I feel pretty alone here, 4 kids and 240 pound men threatening me.
Marianne, Why were you shopping online for assholes?
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