1) Good dogs don't chew books, especially chocolate ones.
2) They don't eat kid's toys either (puppies excluded, you're not one).
3) They crap outdoors ON GRASS, NOT DECKS!
4) They pee on trees, not carpet or workmen's tarps!
5) It's extraordinarily rude to pee on guests especially those working for free!!!!!
(and a reminder for next Christmas, that's not a real tree in the living room).
6) Good dogs stay off my beds.
7) Only those who can wipe their own ass can be there.
8) And I mean on toilet paper, not carpet.
9) Good dogs don't leave their food all over the floor.
10) You're a fuckin dog, you're supposed to eat all floor food.
11) Good dogs notify us when visitors arrive and, if necessary, take action.
12) They don't notify me when I arrive. I live here, remember?
13) That goes for the kids too.
14) Good dogs might ask for food, but never manipulate.
15) Yours is on the floor, check number 10 to find out what to do.
16) Good dogs don't smell like you
or at least improve after a bath.
17) Good dogs don't dart out the the door and into the street.
18) Our last one did and got a fast ride all the way to Rainbow Bridge.
Now I'll let you decide, have you been good?
(p.s. good dogs don't lie)
(c) copyright donna maysack