You probly haven't noticed because you aren't me, but security questions for online accounts are directly geared toward mentally healthy, crafty moms who can not only kiss my ass, but remember all their answers. They need easier questions for the rest of us (me).
You don't even know her!
Cheyenne.
"No, Cheyenne isn't your favorite pet."
Yes, she is!
"No, she's not."
Cheyenne is my favorite pet!!! Oh great, thanks! Now my dog knows he's not my favorite pet!
"That's ok, you're not his either. His username is, 'find new home,' and password is, 'sheabeotch.' Let's try,'Your childhood nick name'?"
"Your answer doesn't match the security question."
But that is my mother's maiden name!
"It's not the name we have for her."
You don't even know her!
"Is she adopted perhaps? Or not your real mother? Let's just move on to favorite pet."
Cheyenne.
"No, Cheyenne isn't your favorite pet."
Yes, she is!
"No, she's not."
Cheyenne is my favorite pet!!! Oh great, thanks! Now my dog knows he's not my favorite pet!
"That's ok, you're not his either. His username is, 'find new home,' and password is, 'sheabeotch.' Let's try,'Your childhood nick name'?"
Mom called me, 'whore'.
"Too easy. What about childhood phone number?"
I don't even know my number!
"What street did you live on in 3rd grade?"
"What street did you live on in 3rd grade?"
O shut the fuck up!
"Was that Street or Lane? Where did your parents meet?"
"Was that Street or Lane? Where did your parents meet?"
In a bar, I was a one-nite stand.
"Well, who was your favorite child hood super hero?"
Social services.
Social services.
"Who did you pretend you were?"
Loved.
Loved.
"What was the scariest thing?"
When dad took my brother to the orphange for not knowing his math facts.
Why don't you ask shit I know like, "Who got the most black eyes? Where was the best hiding place?
How many therapists before the flashbacks stopped?" Why is it so hard to give my money away? For the convenience of paying from home, it costs 3 hours on the phone. Is green so much better for the environment than red? When killing a tree means saving your head?
"Just tell me the license plate on your dad's first car."
Fuck you, the check's in the mail.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
(c) copyright donna maysack
"Just tell me the license plate on your dad's first car."
Fuck you, the check's in the mail.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
(c) copyright donna maysack
8 comments:
I think you must have phoned up a random nosey parker rather than your bank. You're lucky you didn't get asked your bra size.
No Gorilla, I would have known that...none. Glad he didn't ask me yours!
too funny! I always forget what answers I gave.
Md too Blondie
"super hero" and "pretend" answers were epically tragic and hysterical. You have a knack for that, Donna. You're a one woman Shakespearean Festival.
Thanks Linda I feel pretty hysterical and tragic.
I never remember those questions either because I just answer anything to get it finished.
IPJ, I give them the real answers and they tell me I'm wrong. By the time I get off the phone, I'm convinced I'm adopted and have a cat.
Post a Comment